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Moms' Mental Health Tip of the Month: August 2018
Maternal Instincts - how to learn to trust them
Is a maternal instinct real? Is it universal?
If so, one would think that it would be easy to figure everything out, right? But the reality is is that mothers struggle with listening to their instincts and trusting it is easier said than done. Truthfully, some mothers wonder whether they have the ability to access this instinct, and often feel like their inner voice is silent or nonexistent. These doubts certainly don’t make us feel inspired or empowered, do they?
In our Beyond the Baby Blues support groups, it is very common for our mothers to have lengthy discussions about how they get too much advice from others - contradictory and often unsolicited- and how overwhelmed they can become.
The onslaught of advice ranging from professional expertise, parenting books, blogs, and internet sites can be ‘information overload’, capable of stirring strong feelings of inadequacy and incompetence in every mother. But with women who struggle with heightened anxiety and/or depression during the perinatal period, it can feel particularly stressful and unmanageable, tipping a vulnerable mother into feeling very alone and miserable.
Our group aims to provide the support necessary to help these women access these feelings, and to share them with others in a safe and nonjudgmental environment. We discuss ways in which to manage and cope with the anxiety, and speak to the need to re-center and listen to their inner voice. We offer encouragement to place less emphasis on outside advice, and more reflection on what they feel is right for themselves and their baby; in other words, the searching for, and nurturing of, that maternal instinct we hear so much about.
With some effort, awareness and a whole bunch of courage, all mothers can learn to trust their maternal instinct more frequently by remembering a few important points:
- You are the expert - nobody knows your baby/child like you do.
- Pay attention to what might feel wrong, even if you are unsure why it feels wrong. This is your moral intuition, let it guide you.
- Let go of the inner critic - work on reframing the way you think.
- Let go of expectations of what you ‘should’ be doing, and what others expect what you should be doing. - --- People are going to judge you anyway, based on their own choices and values, so you might as well behave in a manner that fits and respects your values.
- Be selective with other’s advice - listen to advice from trusted sources.
- Accept your mistakes and bad judgments - there are many different ways to parent, and rarely are there clear answers.
- Be authentic - if you find yourself struggling over why you can’t ‘get it together’, delve deeply into why...perhaps it doesn’t feel right for you.
- Trust and honor your inner voice...it has much to say about who you are and what is important to you.